Who Let The Dogs Out!?

It's amazing wat people would think off these days.

I was surfing through the web one day when i came across sumthing interesting.

A USB Dog!

Wah lau eh! Wat da hell is this? So i find out more about this thing lah. It's called USB Humping Dog. Haha! Funni leh. It's actually a novelty item where you stick the dog into a usb drive of ur PC or laptop and the dog will start humping. Wait till u see it in action.

Of course, it's just a novelty item and the drive does not carry any space for you to save data.

Take a look at the demonstration video




Here's the user manual. Note it says: For Age 16 and Up. Haha! Sorry kids. Mummy not gonna buy for you dis time, even if you beg on all fours...

Office Politics 101

This post is dedicated to all who are still skooling and so itchy to get into working life. U all think working life fun is it? Ur head ah! Of course u get to have your own money but if u ask me, i'd rather be skooling and still get to enjoy Youth Day and Children's Day.

Anyway, working life is not the same as skooling life. Some of you may have to go through some kind of office politics at ur work place.

So to get u all prepared, i explain some of the popular terms.

Carry Balls
This term is used to be in somebody's good books. Usually people do this to their bosses so that their bosses would be good to them. In some cases, it even helps you to get promoted quickly and easily. I dunno where they come up wif this term. Carry balls in this situation is like carrying the testicles of your bosses lah. Got left one and got right one. Testicles heavy meh to carry? Ok leh wif me. Maybe bosses got heavy balls lah so that one i dun noe hor. But this term is more suitable for male bosses. If female bosses how? Females no balls leh. Carry breast? I tot bras are already doing a good job? Haha!!

Cover Backside (Ass)
Ok. This term is used when u want to avoid gettin blamed for problems that have arise, going to arise or may arise. Work sure got problems one mah. It's like trying to get concrete evidence to fight in court. If you can prove ur innocence, such as doing the required duties in doing your work, then nobody can get to you. It's like a protective shield. An amour. However, if you cannot prove ur innocence, u will face the term below. They are somehow inter-related.

Kena Fuck
This term is used when you are scolded or blamed for doing things wrong. No. Ur bosses won't ask you to stand on your chair in front of the whole office nor will he beat ur palm wif a ruler. Worst scenario is u get fired. But usually it doesn't happen to that extend lah. But ur bosses will remember it for the rest of their lives. Haha! Where kena fucked? Well, with reference to the term 'Cover Backside', backside lor. I guess it's not a good feeling to be fucked from the back. So make sure u put enuff KY!

Kena Arrow
This is when u are picked to do a certain job or task. Usually such tasks are not within your job scope. These are the extras-extras at work. The nitty-gritty. Examples could be making sure the room is clean, maintaining the photocopy paper or even making sure people flush the toilet after they have done their 'business'. But still, somebody's got to do them. So if u're unlucky, u're the one who's going to have to do it.


Well. that's it then. Those are just some of the terms used in working life. I'm not trying to scare u all but then....

.... reality bites.

Hello? Is It Me You're Looking For?

Warning!

The following post that you are about to read contains profanity.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Perhaps some of you may have received calls on your mobile phone from persons unknown telling you that you have won something or to join a certain club/membership. I recently received these type of calls. Dunno how the hell they can get my number! But this one is kinda special lah.

I was at work when i received the call. I was in a meeting some more! (i busy man mah). The conversation goes like this:

Phone rings

Me: Hello?

Woman: Hello, can i speak to Jimmy?

Me: Who?

Woman: Jimmy

Me: Sorry. You've got the wrong number (i very polite when answering calls. Some just say wrong number and put down the phone)

Woman: Oh.. This is not Jimmy? (at this point of time she's either dumb, stupid or dun understand Engrish. Some more never say sorlee!)

Me: No (duh!)

Woman: Anyway, have you ever heard of the hotel membership bla... bla... bla.. (Nah Bey! got wrong person still can continue talking to me!)

Me: Sorry. I'm quite busy at the moment. I'm in a meeting right now.

Woman: Oh ok. Is it ok if i call u later... perhaps in half an hours time?

Me: Ok (play along lah)

Woman: Who am i speaking to? (now then ask!)

Me: This is Tom Cruise

Woman: (puts down phone)

Me: (???)

Lan Jiao! Just becoz i say my name Tom Cruise don't want to talk to me is it? Wat kind of attitude is this? Want to make business or not??!! Fuck lah!! Haha!


P.S: To the woman who called me. This Tom Cruise is still waiting for your call. Dun make me wait until my next movie come out hor!

Speeding Thrills!

If there is a sport which i love to watch but couldn't participate in, it would be F1 racing. And now, the F1 season has started for dis year starting off at Melbourne, Australia. Crikey mate!

F1 is short for Formula One. Dun ask me why they called it dat way. I oso dunno. F1 cars are a technological marvel. They are designed and constructed using the most advanced technology man has ever thought off. And the sheer thrill of watching on TV is exhilarating enough.

The closest F1 race to watch (for now) would be at Sepang, Malaysia. Been there twice to watch an F1 race and i tell u, it's damn bloody noisy! Basically the one that u see on TV has been toned down the volume very very much.

So from March to October dis year, every fortnight i would be glued to the TV screen watching an F1 race. So u all better dun disturb me when i watch.


Ok. Lets talk a bit about F1 cars. For all u kuku's out there, they are not ur average cars on the road. Basically an F1 car does not have/need:

an IU unit (cannot go Orchard and disturb 'char bor')


a car stereo system (forget about listening to Chio San San or Perfect 10)

parking coupons (no saman)


Here's a video which shows the speed of F1 cars compared to normal cars.

Ok. Here's a few facts about F1 cars:

1. F1 car is made up of 80,000 components. If it were assembled 99.9% correctly, it would still start the race with 80 things wrong!
   
   
2. An average F1 driver looses about 4kgs of weight after just one race due to the prolonged exposure to high G forces and temperatures for little over an hour.
   


3. Due to the amount of aerodynamic downforce, once the car is travelling over 160 kph, it could actually hold itself to the CEILING of a tunnel and drive UPSIDE down!
   


4. The refuelers used in F1 can supply 12 litres of fuel per second. This means it would take just 4 seconds to fill the tank of an average 50 litre family car.
   


5. Race car tyres have nitrogen in the tyres because nitrogen has a more consistent pressure compared to normal air.
   


6. At 550kg a F1 car is less than half the weight of a Mini.
   
   
7. F1 car can go from 0 to 160 kph AND back to 0 in FOUR seconds